The hardest thing after a miscarriage or a stillborn is coping. I don’t think it’s something you can just forget about but there is life after a miscarriage but we have to get there to liveabundantly. These 7 strategies can help you get there.
The first thing is to address all your feelings in some way. Journaling is a good option because you can write it out and do whatever you want with it. That’s right anything. I have chosen to keep mine in a nice journal away from everyone. You can choose to share with your spouse or a friend and allow them to know how you feel. It’s a great conversation starter. There are more ways to communicate than verbal, this is a great way. You can also choose to throw it away. Some of you may want to journal but can’t do to invasion of privacy and things like that. This is a great option for you. Your feelings will be out and you can deal with the things you are dealing with emotionally.
This is one of the easiet yet hardest way to cope. It’s easy because you can put your thoughts out there to someone. That person can offer comfort, a listening ear and solicited advice. Venting has no monetary value but you do take a risk. When venting the things you say to that person can be plastered to everyone. We don’t want to believe that people tell our business but they do. Majority of people gossip. I think it’s in our nature. You have to be careful who you vent to just like you are careful who you tell when you initially get pregnant. If you don’t know who to vent to, consider people who you told before the 12 week mark. These are people who kept your secret in the beginning. So vent, yell, scream but, if you don’t want your business out there be careful who you talk to.
Tell a stranger all about it. Yes tell them! Support groups are a group of individuals that come together to discuss their thoughts and feelings about a topic. In our case it’s miscarriages. They are a safe area where your stories are protected. In a support group there are usually a set of rules to follow which includes something about not sharing the content that is shared in that group setting. Support groups are good because these people don’t know you and they are dealing with a situation similar to yours and the fear of them talking is minimized. Remember they don’t know you personally. With support groups you find valuable information that can help you cope and connect with resources you may need. The biggest problem with this is finding a support group. There are online support communities such as Glow which is an app for trying to conceive and support message boards. There are also some online facebook groups but please read the rules. Some groups allow you to talk about trying to conceive again and some don’t. There are also in person support groups that you can attend. One place to look for some in your area is to start with Google or American Pregnancy Association.
Reading is one of my favorite things to do and it’s great for coping. The amazing thing about this coping strategy is not only can it help you heal you can learn a wealth of knowledge about yourself and how to move forward. All of my other strategies discuss so far focus on your emotional health. At some point post miscarriage I needed more info. Reading has helped so much. Whether I read a message board, a blog or a book it all helped some aspect of my journey to cope. Not only did I learn about others stories I also learned how to move forward and focus on myself. The content that I read gave me hope. Hearing stories of other people who didn’t give up or found a way to get through it helped me to get through it. One of the most pivotal books I read was Supernatural Childbirth by Jackie Miss. Click here to check it out. I was blessed with this book by reading through message boards on Glow. It helped me so much. I was able to be confident in God’s Timing and purpose. Another book I am currently reading a book called “When God says wait,” by Elizabeth Lang Thompson. I will be doing a full review on this one next week. It has great reviews on Amazon, check it out here. The American Pregnancy Association also has some recommendations for books.
When I first had my miscarriage I was mad at God. I felt like he could have prevented this and he chose not to. I didn’t like it and I wanted answers and fast. After pouting for a while I searched bible verses and prayed. I need some verses to meditate on. I was very fragile and no one understood except him in my opinion. It was important to seek him for understanding. I began reading the bible and praying to him. Things began to be revealed about my life. My spiritual gifts got stronger and so did my understanding of my life. So connect with your higher being. It has been proven that individuals that have a strong spiritual life cope better. Don’t believe me look it up!
Counseling is another strategy to get your thoughts out and learn ways to deal with life. Getting counseling is a great resource if you can afford it. They will work with you one on one to deal with whatever is plaguing you. They will get deep to have a holistic view of your coping skills. Also this person can give you an objective view of your life. Sometimes counseling may lead you into other strategies such as journaling or support groups. It can be somewhat of a task to find a counselor but it can be done. It’s best to find Counselors that have dealt with other people who faced miscarriages or people dealing with loss. To start your search I would start with my insurance, my job or community organizations. If you don’t have insurance some community organizations have sliding scale pay counselors.
Now for my favorite strategy new ventures!!! I’m a creative, I love making new things, organizing things and being productive. Last year I joined a network marketing company called It Works. I love this company you use products and sell them. Make money! This allowed me to learned a lot about business. Which in turn helped me find a community of women who were on the same mission I was on. Become the Boss. This lead into so many ventures. My husband and I now have 6 streams of income we are working on. It has been such a blessing always having something to occupy my time. An idle mind is not good during this time. At this point I felt like I wasn’t good at anything except connecting people to resourceful info. I am a nurse so we spend a lot of time sharing info. I used that skill and funneled it into income streams. What are you good at? Think about this and see how you can share that with the world. Sharing it with the world allows expression and gives you work to do.
These are things that I have done to cope or consider doing to cope after a miscarriage. Together these strategies changed my outlook and has taken me on a journey for the rest of my life. I hope they can do the same for you. What are some srategies you use to cope?
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